If you ever wondering why? Here's the answers.

I rarely feel sad or down. You know for sure about it, almost 10 years we've been together. Rarely do I bother you with my slumping story. But yesterday, when I was required to have an impact on some of my wisdom teeth, after the surgery was over, it was enough to make me feel very hard to go through the day.

I have so many friends, there are 4 of my closest circles whose communication is still good, including you. Just as I was having surgery, and after, they texted me. They asked how I was doing and wished me a speedy recovery. Everyone, except you. I was wondering, why no messages from you? Even though I quite often update on social media about my condition, and you see it.

But you don't ask how I'm doing? I keep wondering why, do you really don't care about me that much? Or do you think it's a trivial thing? Or what?

If you remember our last long conversation on the phone, you really told me to just focus on our little family, you also said that you never had a lasting friend, it was just me, that's also because I always wanted to be your friend. 

A lot of question is fillin my head. Why are you so cold to me lately? Is it because of that? Are you really tired of being friends with me? Or in the reality there's just me who want us to be friend? Coupled with your statement that says that my zodiac is the most annoying zodiac sign. What does it mean I'm so disturbing to you?

Honestly, I feel disappointed. I expect your attention. I keep wondering, why are you the only one who doesn't ask how I'm doing? even though on previous occasions I always said I would do wisdom teeth surgery. Is it because it's just teeth so you think that is not a big deal? I don't know, for sure at that time I expected support from you. But i didn't get any single word.

So I'm disappointed that I didn't get it. my mistake. I shouldn't do that. Maybe i become a lilbit too sensitive after the surgery done.

I know, sometimes you think that i'm so drama queen, or too much, but you know me, right? if you did really know me. 

and so, in the end this led me to a long thought. maybe indeed if I do not continue to maintain our friendship, we have not been friends since many years ago. maybe you are very tired of being friends with me. maybe I made a mistake that I didn't realize to make you do things like that to me. I thought so many other possibilities, and all those things come back to me, my fault.

But isn't this unfair? When I recall, I always try to be there for you in your slump? Accompany you, strengthen you, provide solutions to your problems? But wait, maybe you don't expect me to do all those things too? Wow, I should have realised it. Again, it's my fault.

Why is our relationship always complicated? This is not the first time. I know this feeling, I know this feeling very well, this is a repetitive feeling that I often feel towards you.

I always unconsciously expect something more from you, and you can never fulfil it. Is a relationship like this justified? I've never felt it or even done anything like this with my other friends.

I realised, of course, that's also my fault.

In the end this long thought led me to one conclusion, we should stop labelling ourselves as close friends. Our relationship has actually been broken and I don't know when it start to happens, I didn't even realise it. Like goods, if they have been damaged, even if they are repaired several times, they will eventually be thrown away someday. Maybe, we will eventually too.

So, I decided to stop. I don't want to feel this feeling anymore. I don't want to burden you anymore. Maybe, this is the best for us in the future. Sorry, I always expect something more from you, for a long time. I don't know why you can't actually fulfil it, can't you treat me like I treat you, or you just didn't want to? I don't know. To be sure, in the end, we don't fit together. Sorry I realised it too late and sorry if i too demanding to you. 

For me, my family and friends are both special, i can't live without them. I dont know why, but that's what i feel. This decision is hard for me, but i think i need to do this. Because this is going too far. Maybe its not normal, like you ever said to me, yha? 

Now, i will try to just focus on my family and the ones that give an effort for me.

Last but not least, all you have to know, I have always been sincere to you, since day one. (Although, if I have to meet someone like you again, I don't want to and won't repeat the same story.) 

I always want you to be happy, I say it to you quite often, and I really mean what I said. At the end, I hope you are always happy and we can meet again in a new place as a new person too.

Today, I close the last page of a memorable book that contains everything about us. And I'm leaving.

Update: She already seen

Instead of say sorry, she said "have no time for this". As expected but still surprise. 

The response convinced me of my decision, and i'm pretty sure i wont regret it in the future. Shh, i should have done this years ago🫠

But that's okay, at least i left her with no crumbs, i made it clear, and i still try to be a good friend until the end, she will not be dying by keep guessing why i take a space from her. Hope she is doing well.